Florham Park Author Pens Insightful Guide on Coping Through Heartaches of all Kinds

    The words “nothing stays the same” don’t just make up the title of Lori Tartaglia’s new book; they are words she grew up hearing from her Italian father, who would remind his daughter in times of strife that no moment—whether good or bad—ever lasts forever. It was advice that would come to serve Tartaglia well throughout her life, especially when she went through a difficult divorce herself while raising two small children.

 Tartaglia—a lifelong resident of Florham Park—is a former schoolteacher, current counselor, and full-time nourisher of souls. She is a patient listener and a measured, precise speaker. She knows what she wants to say, and is convinced in her message, which is one of love and faith in better days, in our capacities each as individuals to transcend whatever life throws at us and reach deeper, realer versions of ourselves. A devoted reader and note-taker, she has spent the better part of her professional life devouring books on all sorts of subjects, specifically those pertaining to the daily battle with life’s inevitable problems and the embracing of a more grateful, forgiving outlook.

She spent eight weeks in the spring of 2021 running a program at Holy Family Church in Florham Park helping people going through divorce. The program itself was called “Surviving Divorce” and was designed to bring hope and healing to those going through the spiritual torments that accompany decisions to break up. Her efforts at Holy Family intertwined with her decision to put together the wisdom she has accumulated in her years of reading and counseling in one readable volume. The result came out to just over a hundred pages worth of encouragement, spiritual analysis, and uplifting quotations, all of which is coated with the author’s contagious certainty that better days wait ahead. The title of Tartaglia’s book is Nothing Stays the Same: How to Heal After the Heartbreak of Divorce. 

“It’s a short book,” says Tartaglia. “But most people suffering through a divorce don’t have it in them to sit through a full-scale book. So I put together all the things that I’ve encountered throughout the years from the best minds to build a better life. I love inspirational quotes myself.”

Tartaglia’s quest to help save others from the pangs of self-doubt and depression started with her own bid to save herself after her initial divorce. She found solace in returning to her church, at Holy Family, and in accepting the fact that we simply cannot go back and fix things that are in the past. However obvious this may be to most of us, much of the problems that we allow to hold us back in the present day, says Tartaglia, stem from our inability to simply let go. 

“Until you can stop thinking about what could’ve and should’ve happened,” says Tartaglia, “it’s very difficult to move forward. Especially those that can’t forgive. Until you can forgive, it will be a hard road to travel.”

While earning her life-coach certification, Tartaglia spoke to Cloe Madanes, a world-renowned psychotherapist, who told her that it was her spiritual obligation to put her experience, both in going through a divorce and in counseling divorced couples, to good use. This was an eye-opening moment for Tartaglia, who felt her sense of mission reawaken after she hung up the phone. 

 “In my quest to help alleviate my own pain from divorce, I noticed three main themes that were constantly recurring. They were the subjects of gratitude, forgiveness, and loving yourself,” Tartaglia writes. These are the three main keys to a quicker recovery, and they all fit snugly within the more general concept of protecting one’s own thoughts and remaining watchful for when they go negative. 

The book itself is organized into eleven chapters, each of which is loaded with quotations from some of the greatest minds to ever speak on the subject of inner healing. It is worth mentioning that, although focused on those who happen to be going through divorce and its aftermath, the advice within the book is not limited to divorcees. All of us stand to benefit from the book, which one will quickly see is a guided call to reflection, self-love, forgiveness, and overall positivity, all written in encouraging, enthusiastic prose. 

 Asked what are some of her own greatest inspirations, Tartaglia let out a sigh—there are simply too many to name. Some of those names are on her nightstand, though, in her current reading list: The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, which she calls phenomenal, and The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. She is also a big fan of historical fiction.

Tartaglia’s book—Nothing Stays the Same: How to Heal After the Heartbreak of Divorce—is available in paperback, on Kindle, and on audio on Amazon. It is also available on Audible. More information on Lori Tartaglia herself is available on Instagram @nothingstaysthesamebook.